Most of my clients who are quite ill lack self-love.
Degree of self-love is something they may be conscious of it. Often they’re not. Becoming ill or symptomatic may start right here and develop over time.
Life happens, and some of it happens when we’re too young to have any choice in it. Even in the womb I see babies beginning to store emotions their mother is carrying.
It must be my family’s fault!
Most of us are born into families doing the best they can with the parenting THEY received. Most parents love their children, but the conditions they may unwittingly put on that love begin to shape us in ways that may not serve us.
How do we learn to love ourselves if our families haven’t impressed on us that we’re unconditionally lovable, totally unique, and the adored apple of their eyes? If we felt their love was partly dependent on our achievements, our appearance, our compliance, we carry that forward. We achieve, get breast implants, obsess about our weight, become co-dependent partners.
Illness is one way life gets our attention: Hey! You! Its time to make some changes. And the most important of these is learning self-love.
Self-love. . .what is it exactly??
Well, it ISN’T “feeling good about ourselves” and can’t be found solely by reading self-help books. Self-love grows from ACTION that supports our growth on all levels. ACTION that matures us. The more we grow and respect our choices, the most self-love grows within us. With that self respect comes compassion for ourselves, warts and all, and less need to explain ourselves. The more we love ourselves, the more we’ll choose to live with purpose, direction, and by the values we know now are our own.
I haven’t seen people fully heal who won’t take the actions necessary to become the person they can truly love.
How do you know if you love yourself?
Here are some signs:
- You’re mindful. You know what you feel, what you think, and you act on and speak from your personal truth. This is integrity. You (and others) can trust yourself to BE yourself in all situations.
- You take care of yourself. You engage in healthful activities: good nutrition, enough sleep, regular exercise, healthy relationships.
- You have good boundaries. You set limits. You say no to what weakens you or is inconsistent with your values. You let go of people who don’t uplift you, who don’t reinforce your hard won self-love.
- You forgive yourself. You accept that you’re human, not perfect. After all, it’s in the “mistakes” that some of the best lessons come. In fact, there are no mistakes, only more learning.
- You live On Purpose. With Intention. Even if you don’t yet know your Purpose, you’ll respect yourself for the quest. You’ll accept whatever is happening in your life however challenging it may be, if that is your Intention, and emerge stronger. You see yourself making decisions with Intention, doing what you say you’ll do, and your self-respect grows.
I know I will die
I’ve had a personal Intention for 30 years to remember for an instant each day that I’ll die. No exceptions. It’s life.
Colors seem brighter, music sweeter, and my heart swells with love for the people (and beloved pet Picco) I cherish, living and passed on. It makes each day meaningful because I choose to remember they’re numbered.
I’ve been there !
As some of you know, I spent years healing and learning the steps to self-love, so I know it’s much easier to write than to do. In addition, I was a slow learner!
But there is nothing more important that you could do for yourself, for your loved ones, and for the world.
If you see some weaknesses in yourself here, some chink in your self-love, just start with one or two. Remember this process is a life’s work, because the lessons just keep comin,’ don’t they!?
Thank you for taking the time to read these thoughts, Friends of Intuition and Healing, and I’d be so happy if you’d contribute some of your own.
A Light Spirit and Vibrant health to you all!